Trouble is...

...salvation is just too much. The whole idea of escaping this beautiful mess just puts me off. You can argue all you want about whether there is a reason for us, but I can say without any doubt that my purpose is not to slip out the back door and run away from the ugliness that surrounds.

What did Jesus say?

I'm going to die. But it's cool, guys, don't worry! I won't stay dead. I'll come back. And when I do, you can say this little prayer that will save you from the eternal fire that will claim the rest of my beautiful creation. What's that, you don't know the words? Well, you're in luck! That guy that stiffed you on your tip left you a tract instead. That tract will tell you all the mysteries of the universe. But act quickly, and base it purely on emotion and fear. Doubt and questioning are for sinners, not my loyal followers!

Love and Kisses,
Jesus, Insurance Agent

No? Yeah, you're right. That sounds just about retarded.

Luke 9, Jesus sends out his disciples to preach the Kingdom. Jesus sends. This implies that he was alive at the time. And being alive implies that he was not dead. Which means that little pyramid scheme up there is not what they were preaching. They were preaching the Kingdom. Not salvation. I don't want to be saved. I want to build a Kingdom.

Where did we go wrong? How have we missed this? I want to live life to the full. Not to live in fear of making a mistake. Not to live in guilt over petty vices. Just to live. To drink deep from life: mysteries, mistakes, and all. Then to take a few drags from those petty vices. To have real, honest conversations in a smoky, poorly-lit room. To have a real, honest life in dirty, well-written world.

Once

I hope you find my salvation. If not you, then someone. Someone who really needs it. I want it to comfort you. Satisfy you. Bring you the joy it brought me.

Once.

This is not a crisis of faith anymore than labor is a crisis of pregnancy. This is the logical next step in a long process. This is an end. This is the beginning. It isn't and it is.

This is not a lack of faith. I have no doubt of God. Nature could never make a world so cruel and beautiful and terrible and wild and wonderful.

Science and chance define refraction of light from a ball of burning gasses illuminating the vapours in our atmosphere. God is the beauty and majesty of a sunset, alive with fire, igniting the distant horizon and warming our deepest places.
Chance shows us a billion galaxies and nebulae and planets to be catalogued and conquered. God is a celebration, with guests laughing and dancing and drinking and smoking and sitting and glowing and loving and crying and singing at every minute with us.
Science talks about a biological processes for the propagation of a species. God is sex.

Science and chance and nature define and show and talk about. God is. Trouble is...